Sometimes I Hate Them
by SiriusLovesRent
Summary: Remus centered fic. Remus' thoughts about James and Sirius leaving him alone. [Fifth year, Marauder Era]


_**Remus' POV**_

**This is dedicated to my own Remus Lupin. You know who you are. **

**JK Rowling owns**

_**--**_

Sometimes, James and Sirius were so easy to hate.

Actually, a lot of the time.

Like when they prank Severus Snape. Or when they talk back to teachers and got everyone laughing. Or when girls chase after them like they're celebrities. Or when they leave me out in the dust.

Sometimes I hate them.

Really hate. Loathe. But then I hit myself mentally because that's not fair. I know they don't mean to do it. I _know_ they don't. It's just how they are.

But I can't help but think sometimes they're perfect. And then I hit myself mentally again.

I know for a fact Padfoot isn't the least bit perfect. His home life is absolutely horrible. His home life is scary. Almost tragic. He only makes up for it by acting cocky and popular in school. While at his home, he feels completely alone.

And Prongs. The girl of his dreams _always_ rejects him. Never once has she even considered it. I even caught James crying one time.

And that's sometimes why I hate myself.

Because I know how bad Sirius has at his home and how much angst James really has inside him.

But then my anger comes back. You know, I sometimes think, it's not that easy being a werewolf! And it's not that easy to watch your two best friends be worshiped which you're left in the dark!

And sometimes I really hate them. Like whenever I have those thoughts. I despise them. Do they think that I'm just gonna stand there and laugh while they get attention?

But then, I don't want attention! I'm terribly shy and don't like when I have attention.

I have no idea what's wrong with me. I think that the problem isn't that I want what they have, but that I want to be noticed. I don't crave attention, as Sirius and James do, but I just want someone to notice I'm actually there.

A couple months back, I gave myself the nickname _Mr. Cellophane_. Because that's what I am. Cellophane. You can do whatever you want to me, and I'll just go along with it. You can wrap your stupid leftovers in me and I'll never say a word.

Okay, maybe I'm going a bit far with the cellophane thing.

Sometimes I just want someone to listen to me. And only me. And not ask me when James is free for lunch or when Sirius is free for Saturday night. I need a real friend.

But James and Sirius are my best friends! I guess I just need someone more like me. Another werewolf, or another bookworm, or another person who doesn't fit in.

Or another piece of cellophane.

"C'mon, Moony!" James says later that night.

"What are we doing?" I ask in my quiet voice.

"Going to embarrass Snivelly, of course!" Sirius tells me as if it's completely obvious and I'm just an idiot. Which I most certainly am not!

"I can't." I say, finally standing up to them. Maybe they'll listen to me.

"Why?" Peter asks, as if he doesn't believe me. Peter's like my brother, but he's not that bright.

"I just _can't_, okay?" I say calmly.

Sirius blinks. "Umm...okay."

James looks at him and shrugs. "Yeah, okay...I guess."

I smirk in my head. They have looks of absolute betrayal on their faces. The three of them. Like I've betrayed them and gone over to Voldemort's side. But all I did was tell them no. For once. I suppose they aren't used to it.

"I guess..." Peter trails off, not knowing what to say or do.

Sirius shrugs. "Guess I'm going to bed."

James nods, looking almost shocked. "Yeah, I second that."

"I third it." Peter says.

My three fellow Marauders run up the stairs to our fifth year dorm.

My heart absolutely breaks. I suddenly hate myself for doing this to them.

And then again, I don't.

I then feel a strange sensation of satisfaction.

_Well, it's a start._

**--**

**A/N: Wow, I'm glad that's over. I'm not good at angst fics. Or fics centered around anyone but Sirius really. But this idea kinda just hit me and I'm like, this is so totally a Remus idea. So...umm...hoped you liked it. Go check out my other fics if you feel like it. Reviews are great. Just click that little button and type. Thank you, and until next time, goodbye.**


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